


You got pretty eyes, but I know you're wrong

by tastinglove



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Eleanor is only mentioned, Louis is a bit of a dick in this, M/M, sad!harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-29
Updated: 2014-10-30
Packaged: 2018-02-23 02:57:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,037
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2531537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tastinglove/pseuds/tastinglove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry knows that they’re not how they used to be. How they’re supposed to be</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. So. This is my first Larry fanfic then. Hope you like it. I just want to apologize in advance if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes but English is not my native language. 
> 
> This also turned out a lot more angsty than I thought it would. Oh well. 
> 
> Title is from The 1975. Song: The City

He’s been staring at his phone for so long now that he can only focus on the bright light of the little screen. His eyes are dry and he should really get up and do something against that. He should get up. He should do something.He shouldn’t have to wait for his boyfriend to come home. To send him a message or a voice mail. 

Harry knows that. He knows he is not that kind of person to sulk around and waste an entire day. He swears he’s not. But then he also swears that Louis is not that kind of person who would ignore him. So. Harry knows these things. It’s just that, lately, while he tries ro reassure himself and calm his own mind down, there is something else he thinks he might know. Definitely not something he wants to know but... Harry knows he’s changed. He also knows Louis’s changed. He just always thought they had changed and grown together. And maybe that’s not even the problem he’s had in his head for the last couple of months. No. The problem that really gets to him –makes him shiver, teary eyed and feel nauseous- is the fact that the change he and Louis went through might not be the good kind of change. That it might be the change that ruins people, suffocates them and tears hearts apart.

But Harry is stubborn. So he doesn’t give up. He doesn’t stand up either. He keeps waiting for Louis to return home. To return home to him. And when he finally does Harry can’t help bu think about change as soon as he enters the door. He looks up to him from the couch and he sees these blue blue blue eyes that captivated him the first moment he ever looked in to them all those year ago. He sees the soft brown colour of his hair and remembers the first time he nuzzled his face into Louis’ neck in the X-Factor bunks they used to share. And of course his eyes are drawn to his pink soft lips – how could they not be drawn to them?- and images of their first kiss, all shy and sweet and perfect, flash through his mind.

And yes, his eyes are still so blue blue blue but they’re also cold and hard and judging and intimidating these days and he still does get lost in them. He just can’t seem to find the familiar comfort in them anymore. And his hair is still gorgeous and wonderful and it still tickles him when they cuddle. But it’s also full of gel, styled and perfect as it’s supposed to be for the public eye and he can’t help but compare the hair (can’t help but compare him) to a Ken Doll. And his lips are still plush and lovely. But he doesn’t get to feel them as often as he used to. And sometimes they taste like smoke and cigarettes and alcohol and whatever made Louis get through the day. He wishes so desperately that he could be what makes Louis get through the day. He thinks he used to be that for him. He thinks he isn’t anymore. He knows he isn’t anymore. 

So maybe that’s why he asks with a trembling voice – and dry eyes from staring at his phone all night that he finally put on the coffee table now(dry eyes that he knows won’t stay that way for long)

“Why were you gone so long?“ He doesn’t want to sound clingy. He doesn’t. But he also feels like he’s so close to losing something very important if he doesn’t cling on just that little bit tighter. 

“I told you before I left, didn’t I? Went out with Eleanor and some of her friends from uni. I know, I know. We only wanted to go out for some lunch. But then one of her friends decided to order some bubbly and... you know how it is. We were all in the mood and just went to a bar after that to get some drinks.“  
“So you were gone for over 6 hours? You do realise this is the first time we’re both back in the UK together after the tour ended. This is basically our only time off, Louis. Next month we’ll have to promote the album, do interviews and gigs and then it’s almost Christmas and the year is almost over and-“ Harry never gets to finish his sentence. Louis doesn’t even listen to him anymore. He doesn’t even want to listen. And a part of Harry gets it. Really. They’ve had this conversation many times before. He knows Louis is tired. Tired of touring and promoting and pretending. Harry gets that part. He just doesn’t get the part where it feels like Louis is tired of their relationship. Tired of them. Tired of Harry. That’s the part that really hurts, the part that keeps him awake at night. 

“And what? We literally spent months in the tour bus right next to each other, Harry. Months! So what if I want to do one thing without you. That’s not illegal. That’s fucking healthy. And you know we’ll spend Christmas together, as well as New Years. And then we’ll go on another bloody tour for months Harry. Then you’ll have me all to yourself again“ He wishes Louis would get him. He wishes Louis didn’t feel like spending time together was strenuous. He also wishes he couldn’t feel his heart breaking that much.

“You don’t get it Louis. Do you even hear the words you’re saying? Is it so wrong that I went to spend some alone time with you? With my boyfriend? Because that’s what you are Louis. My boyfriend. You’re my boyfriend and I can’t even kiss you or hold your hand in public. Is that too much to ask for? Oh, wait. I guess it is. Because I can’t even sit bloody next to you in most interviews or interact with you on stage.And I’d say that the relationship between you and me as boyfriends is anything but healthy right now.“ Harry is ranting. He knows that. But now –after all those months- he finally gets to say all those things out loud and he can’t seem to stop. Not really. He only stops shortly to look at Louis- to really look at him- and he searches for all those emotions he’s so used to seeing on Louis’ face. Love, fondness, understanding, compassion. But he only gets a blank stare with a bit of frustration mixed into it. And really. That’s the point where Harry knows. He knows this is it. He knows.

“I used to believe that we could fix this Louis. I used to believe we could be healthy again. That we could be us again. But you don’t even want that anymore, do you? “ And it feels like such a rhetorical question because he already knows Louis’ answer. He feels like that says a lot about them right now.

“What do you even mean with that? Why would you wanna go back in time Harry? To be horny naive teenagers who believed in all the good in the world? Grow up, Harry. We still are us. A different version maybe. A grown up one. But that’s not bad. That could actually be good for us if you just started to accept it“ And Harry was never good with accepting change or new things. He always tried to but could never quite catch up to it as quickly as anyone else. He alway felt bad and stupid about that. Like a cry baby. But Louis wants him to be a grown-up. Wants him to at least act like one. And even though Harry has become quite good at acting in these last few year – not that he had a choice- he doesn’t even feel like he needs to act in this situation. Because as a 20-year-old , as a grown-up, he also knows there are some things he doesn’t have to accept.

„You know what, Louis? Maybe you’re right. Maybe our relationship isn’t bad. Or at least not that bad. But that’s just not enough for me anymore.“ And he hopes Louis gets the message. Because he’s trying to be strong and he’s trying to sound confident but he’s not quite sure if he can actually say break up out loud. But Louis only stares at him, his mouth slighty agape. And he nods. He nods. That’s all he does. So Harry nods back. 

He doesn’t know what exactly they’re agreeing on. He knows they understand eachother. He knows they have some kind of understanding, a passion that still runs through both their veins. He doesn’t know if it’ll ever stop running. 

He guesses he’ll just have to wait and see.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after their fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. Ok. So.
> 
> I literally thought no one would read the one shot I posted on here. But then I got some comments and quite a few kudos. And.. I just never expected that. So thank you. So much. 
> 
> And everyone in the comments wanted me to continue/finish this with a second chapter. As I said, this really was supposed to be a one shot. But.. you wanted it. So here you go. 
> 
> Enjoy.

**The day after**

Monday, the day after their fight, just won’t pass. Harry remembers how he used to hate Mondays when he was still in school. Sunday evening would come and he would already feel annoyed about the following day just thinking about it. Mondays always sucked. He had to sit through hours of Maths and Physics and Chemistry while listening to all the kids going through puberty making fun of other people. (Teachers never seemed to care. Harry really didn’t want to care about those comments either. He tried not to. Tried and failed) So, yes. Mondays suck. Mostly because you’re still thinking about the weekend. Thinking about sleeping in and doing whatever the fuck you want. Just thinking about good times.

This particular Monday, Harry is again thinking about Sunday. The only difference is that he isn’t thinking about good times. He thinks about how they just stood there yesterday. Not saying a word. Maybe because they didn’t know what to say anymore. Or maybe because they knew _exactly_ what to say . They just also knew how much it would hurt the other person. Harry’s still not sure. He’s just sure of the fact that they went to sleep after that ( he can’t even say they went to bed anymore. Because they didn’t. Harry did. Louis decided to sleep on the couch)

It’s not like Harry would have gotten a lot of sleep either. He feels like he’s about to burst. He’s full of emotion. Anger, frustration, sadness and desperation filling him up and chasing away his usual happiness, confidence and ease of mind. Louis has always made him feel like that. It’s always just been too much with him. But it’s always been the good kind. The kind where you feel like you’re about to burst with all that love in your body but you don’t care because you know it makes you a stronger ( a better) person.

When Harry wakes up on Monday morning, he doesn’t feel like a strong person. He just doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do right now. But he also hasn’t had anything to drink or eat for hours. So he gets up and walks into the livingroom and kitchen area. Louis isn’t on the couch. The saddest thing is that Harry saw that coming. He stares at the couch and he tries to understand Louis. Tries to understand why he is the way he is. Why he became this person. He also thinks about what Louis said to him yesterday night. That they’re not that different. That they’re just adults now.

Harry wonders if this is what it’s like to become an adult. How is he supposed to know? He left his home when he was 16. He was shoved into this glamorous life. Pushed around by management, paparazzi (and his own fans). He was judged for his skin, then got covered in make-up and fancy clothes and hairspray and a pile of money and women. He became _the_ Harry Styles. He never really had time to grow up.

Right now , however, he has time to do whatever he wants. The tour is over now. And it’s still a week or two until they really have to promote the album. So he makes himself some scrambled eggs with toast and a cup of chamomile tea. While he’s eating his breakfast he watches some TV(but if you asked him afterwards he probably couldn’t even tell you what he was watching. His mind was still somewhere else. With someone else)

That’s how he spends his day then. Doing nothing. Until his iphone starts to ring. And he picks it up and he reads the caller ID and he can feel his fingers sweating and he bites his lip.. and.. he answers.

 

> **“Hello?“**

His own voice sounds raspy and tired and unsure. Why is he feeling that way? Why is he so nervous about having a conversation with Louis? They’ve had many conversations. Talking about moving in together, discussing sleeping arrangements for the tour bus bunk beds, deciding where they would have lunch, ,even talking about sexual preferences(and whispering about a future with a house, a dog and kids.) Is he afraid that Louis is going to say something hurtful? That this time, Louis is going to take over the conversation and be the one to call it quits?

 

> **“Hey.. Harry. Hi. How are you?“**
> 
> **„... Alright, I guess. And you?“**
> 
> **„I’m .. fine. Yeah. Listen, I’m just calling to let you know that I’ll be staying in a hotel tonight. So. You don’t have to worry about me or anything.“**

He always worries about Louis. He worried about him when he was insecure about his voice back during the X-Factor tour. He worried about him when management first told them about Eleanor and Louis was screaming so loud in that tiny office room that his face turned red. He also started worrying when Louis smoked his first blunt on their balcony. He’ll always worry about Louis. That’s a part of him now. Louis is a part of him. Maybe that’s why all of this hurts so much.

 

> **“Louis. Please don’t do this. Don’t just disappear. Don’t just walk away like that. Don’t walk away from me. From us. You can’t just do this. You can’t“**

Harry is gripping his phone tightly and desperately – because that’s what he is apparently. Deperate.

 

> **“Well Harry .. may I remind you that last night you were the one who said that this wasn’t enough for you anymore? You were the one who doesn’t want me anymore. So, after all of that Harry.. after all the shit that we went through.. after 4 years. You just make these..these.. decisions? Well. Fuck you, too, Harry. You can’t tell me what to do anymore.“**

And Harry swears he can hear his own heart breaking into millions of tiny pieces. Because. Yes. He told Louis that he’s not happy anymore. But Louis thinks he doesn’t want him anymore. How could he ever think that? Harry can’t even remember a time anymore where he didn’t want, desire or crave him. How could Louis ever think that? Harry meant what he said last night. He just didn’t think that these would be the consequences. He thought that maybe.. they would take a break. Spend some time apart. Get to know each other again. ( _Make Louis fall in love with him again.._ ) He didn’t think Louis would just leave him like that.

 

> **“You know how much I want you, Louis. How much I love you. You know that. Don’t even try to deny that. You’re right. We went through a lot of shit in these last 4 years. But that doesn’t mean that I have to tolerate every little shitty thing in this relationship. You leave me alone for hours Louis. Sometimes even for days eventhough we barely get to spend any time together as it is. So. Just tell me Louis.. Do.. Do you still want me.? Do you still even love me? Or am I just convenient for you? A nice little boyfriend to come home to when you want someone to fuck in the ass?“**

And Harry is spitting out all these angry, angry words he knows he’ll never get to take back but.. he can’t find it in him to apologize anymore. He’s so tired of apologizing for things he actually means. (He also won’t apologize for the tears that have started falling now)

 

> **“You’re right. You don’t have to tolerate everything. Neither do I. I’m not the only who’s made mistakes, alright? You go out with all these.. these. hipsters and all those other people who only want you for your money and fame, hoping that you’ll buy them a round of drinks and that they’ll be on the Sugarscape website the next morning. But.. No. You offer them even more than that, don’t you?. A nice little kiss on the cheek here and there and some sweaty dancing. All while I’m stuck with my fake girlfriend to protect us. To protect you.“**

And they have talked about this so many times before. Whenever Harry got jealous, Louis would tell him this. It felt comforting for a while. Now he just thinks it’s a lie(there seem to be so many of them these days). A lie Louis tells over and over again until Harry believes him( _or until he believes himself_ ) And now Louis is even accusing him of.. of .. what? Being.. unfaithful? Now Louis is portraying him exactly like the media does. And Harry can’t handle this. _He can’t._

 

> **“Maybe we should take a break, Louis.“**

Now he’s said it. The words are out. He can’t take them back. ( _He doesn’t really want to either_ )

 

> **“Yeah, Harry. Maybe we should.“**

And weeks later, when an interviewer asks him about his past relationships, he could tell them about Louis. The boy who broke his heart. The boy whose heart he broke. He could talk about him like something from the past. It’s just that.. Louis will never be that. He’ll always be a part of Harry. Always. 

So. Months later, when they get ready for the new tour and Louis tells him about this new Italian place he’s heard about and asks him if he wants to join him for dinner some time... 

 

 

...He doesn’t say no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you read that. Thank you. It means a lot to me. 
> 
> Your comments and kudos mean a lot to me too.. So. Don't be shy - say hi (:
> 
> I hope this gives you a (tiny) bit more closure. Hopefully. Maybe?
> 
> Take care.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I'd really appreciate if you left me a comment or a kudo. Really looking forward to reading your opinions. 
> 
> Until next time. (I guess?)
> 
> Take care.


End file.
